Month: February 2016

Looking deep within yourself, peeling back layers of belief, is a daunting process filled with tears, laughter, anger and joy. Much like the peeling of an onion it is raw and can bring a flood of tears to the surface.

As partners in the cooking process Darek and I would share the duties. He was the onion peeler as my tears would instantly come to the surface as soon as the first layer was peeled away. Now I realize it is a metaphor for the depth of my emotions.

Trauma can break you wide open or turn you inward building a wall around your heart. I can identify three major traumas in my life. The first is cancer and Darek disappearing in front of me. The other two I had pushed so deep in the recesses of my brain that they have only come bubbling to the surface as I dig deep through the grieving process.

Growing up in Nova Scotia my sister and I would spend many carefree hours outdoors with our two cousins. We were inseparable. My cousin died tragically in a parachuting accident in his late teens. That was my first experience with death up close and personal. That shifted me greatly and is when I began to internalize my feelings and build a protective wall around my heart.

The next experience was a long term relationship in my 20’s when I had the intuition; remember go with your gut, that my boyfriend was cheating. I literally found him in bed with someone, only after breaking down the door to his apartment. That sealed the door to my heart and future relationships would be brief and unattached.

Being able to identify what truly makes you tick and the triggers which send you back to old responses and behaviors will open you up to healing from the inside out. Taking the deep look within comes with much denial and self critical talk.

The support needed in this process is great and make choices based on your individual path, not on what society believes is right.

Conventional thought to overcome grief and anxiety is drugs and therapy. I absolutely refused drugs as I saw how they changed Darek daily. Therapy can work if you make the choice to participate. It is not sitting and agreeing with what is said, it is challenging convention and finding what heals you.

For myself a naturopath, massage therapist, chiropractor, and somatic therapy has made me work hard, dig deep, and challenges me to be comfortable with the uncomfortable. It has been the most excruciating and joyful period of my growth. And don’t think it is finished. Accepting that I will never stop learning and growing is key to my healing journey.

No matter how difficult something is to face head on, emotionally or physically, it does more long term damage to shove it down and go through the motions of life.

This life is a gift, get out there and embrace all the gifts it has to offer!

Let’s get a little spicy….

Spicy Squash and Chicken Thigh Scramble

1 half Winter Squash peeled, cored, and chopped

4 Boneless Skinless Chicken Thighs

1 T Coconut Oil

1 Medium Onion chopped

2 Garlic Cloves minced

1/2 C Chicken Broth

1 Dried Chili Pepper, seeds removed

1 T South African Curry Powder

Salt and Pepper

Method

Generously salt and pepper chicken thighs

On medium high heat, heat coconut oil in large skillet and brown thighs, until no pink

Remove thighs from skillet

In same skillet add onion, garlic and chili pepper, saute until onion is golden

Add salt, pepper and curry powder until flavors combine

Add chopped squash

Add 1/2 C chicken broth and bring to boil

Cook for 5-7 minutes until squash softens

Add chicken and juices back to skillet

Simmer 2-3 more minutes

Add fresh cilantro for garnish

So much flavor and so satisfying

As a breakfast this will keep energy up

 

Blessings and Much Aloha!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

As an early Spring quickly reveals new life, and my return to work date fast approaches, I am acutely aware of the flow of time. The past few days have been filled with appointments, car repairs, cleaning, boys activities, and yard work. As I tried to pack as much obligation into one day as possible I could feel those old feelings of anxiety and doubt in my ability, to juggle it all, crash on the shore.

As waves ebb and flow, logically, I know what self care works for me. Logic and emotions continually clash.

I realize trying to do too much is a trigger for me. True self care is being able to say “no” and knowing your limits. When you add to that a struggling teen, who I react to instead of respond and it is a recipe for flight. We all have a built in “flight” or “fight” response to a stressful or dangerous situation. Suddenly I am on line looking for a hotel room to get away and test driving a new vehicle. Shopping was also one of my instant gratifications, or happiness responses. Both were past habits to not deal with a situation. The head in the sand response.

Proudly, I did not run away or buy a new vehicle on impulse. I have worked too hard and come too far to return to the person I was. I immediately pulled out my yoga mat.

The breath; such an unconscious occurrence we take for granted. Never had I realized what a gift it was to the healing process until I returned to the yoga mat. By focusing on the breath only, the mind quiets, the body relaxes, and your thoughts turn to the present moment.

A home yoga practice is quite freeing and allows me to be authentic and gentle with myself. My favorite breathing is called “lions breath”. Breath in through the nose and out through a wide open mouth with tongue sticking out. It looks crazy however it feels so empowering. Do a few of those and happiness will hug you. I even practice will driving in the car. It keeps me from overthinking and over analyzing. I can imagine what it looks like to other drivers. It makes me smile to think about it.

If I took fear out of the equation, what would I change about how I spend my days ~ Lissa Rankin

Take time to reflect and look within. Know your triggers. Search for what calms you and use it often. My friend introduced me to on line yoga last year. Yoga with Adrienne truly supports you to find what works for you in your practice. To breath is so important to connect you to your body and the flow of movement.

The next time a “flight” response is triggered, and there will be a next time, look within and know to Just Breathe!

As a take a breath a new recipe will be with my next post.

The photo taken of my footprints in the sand was Polihale beach on the island of Kauai. This is 7 miles of remote beach where you can experience solitude and the power of the ocean. I was blessed to be the only one on the beach that day. Listening to the sound of the ocean is an excellent way to take a breath.

Blessing and Much Aloha!

 

 

When on the lake it is a conscious meditative act for me. The placement of the feet, the stroke of the paddle, and the movement of the body all contribute to a successful experience. The water is the one place I am truly present, joy enters and the sound of the paddle in the water calming. Yesterday all was in balance for a beauty of a SUP with flat water, sun and 8 degrees. For February, highly unusual indeed.

Being present and focused are key elements to success whether on the water on in life. The moment the mind wanders to your to do list, whatever it may be, the balance shifts and you no longer feel secure in your ability. It has taken so much work to bring my focus back and feel in the moment once again. The water is my sanctuary. Even as a young child, growing up in Nova Scotia, the ocean drew me in.

Wow, that’s me circa 1979 in Nova Scotia.

Balance is such a challenge in this world of in your face media and and the constant barrage of images of what an “ideal life” is. Materialism and “keeping up with the Jones” is so ingrained into our culture that simplicity seems so foreign and even ostracized.

Find what you love, it is in all of us however we must listen to our intuition. The phrase “go with your gut” is so true. Intuition can be buried deeply within us due to life circumstances and how we chose to be daily.

The first step to having balance in your life is to decide what is important to you. What kind of legacy do you wish to leave? Carve out time for self care and in that time create, journal, exercise, meditate. Whatever opens your heart and mind to endless possibilities.

I have always kept a journal since I was a teenager as it took all those thoughts running around in my mind and made them visually tangible. Never did I think journaling would turn into a blog which in turn was the path to healing. We truly can accomplish anything we put our mind and focus to.

So balance for me is the self care of yoga, SUP, writing, and spending time with individuals who lift me up and challenge me to greatness.

Once self care is a priority it spills over to all facets of your life and brings joy.

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Since becoming a Paleo girl I find I crave a sweet snack, which is a complete change from the salt craving.

Here is a no bake energy ball snack….

Chocolate Hippie Cookies

Ingredients

1/2 C Almond Butter

1.5 C Unsweetened Coconut

1/4 C Raw Cashews

1/4 C Chia Seeds

3 T Raw Cacao Powder

8-9 Dried Figs or Medjool Dates, roughly chopped

1/4 C Raw Honey

Method

Place all ingredients in food processor

Combine on low speed until blended

Form into 2 inch balls

Dig in

Refrigerate to store, they won’t last long

Thumbs up from the boys, who I am slowly weaning away from white sugar. They were shocked when I said no more in the house, however they are adapting. Score one for Mommy!

Life is all an achievable balancing act.

“Your hand opens and closes, opens and closes. If it were always a fist or always stretched open, you would be paralyzed. Your deepest presence is in every small contracting and expanding, the two as beautifully balanced and coordinated as birds’ wings.”

• Rumi

Blessings and Much Aloha!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Being at the crossroads of fear and joy is so exhilarating.  It is the culmination of so much planning, dreaming and doing. Take if from me even the darkest of life’s moment can be the doorway to much joy. Believe in your path and things begin to fall into place. Show kindness and practice gratitude. As the purging continues I feel a lightening of the heart and mind and such a sense of freedom.

When you feel fear and are apprehensive you are heading in the right direction. Keep pushing through and it will open you up to unbelievable opportunities and you will attract the people you need in your life now.

This blog was a gift and the way for me to heal and share my experiences as I return to my authentic self. I never imagined it would transform my passion into a career. The next few months will bring my dream to a reality. I carry such hope and joy when I thing of how far I have come.

Be careful what you water your dreams with. Water them with worry and fear and you will produce weeds that choke the life from your dream.

Water them with optimism and solutions and you will cultivate success. Always be on the lookout for ways to turn a problem into an opportunity for success. Always be on the lookout for ways to nurture your dream.

Lao Tzu

The amazing thing for me about cooking is no matter what I am feeling as soon as I bring out the knifes, bowls, and ingredients I feel the joy enter. Add favorite music in the background to sing and dance around the kitchen, what a gift!

The boys and I have a huge Rottweiler cross, Maximilian, which Darek had taught to howl on cue to Italian opera of all things, however now the dog just sings whenever I do. Another daily reminder of D and it always brings a smile to my face.

I have always loved pizza and this cauliflower crust fills the craving.

Cauliflower Pizza 

Crust

1 Cauliflower shredded fine in food processor

1 tsp Spices  (rosemary, thyme, basil, garlic powder, pepper) grind together

1 T Coconut Flour

2 Egg Whites

Steam cauliflower until soft, set aside to cool

Combine spices and grind

Once cauliflower cools add spices, coconut flour and egg whites, combine

Divide into 3 equal portions

Place on pan, lined with parchment paper and mold to desired thickness

Baked in preheated 400 degree oven for 15-18 minutes

Remove from oven  and add your toppings

Crisp Bacon chopped

Caramelized Onions

Tomato Basil Sauce

Minced Garlic

Baby Spinach Leaves

Heat in oven just to warm and wilt spinach 3-5 minutes

Dig in

1 portion is easily devoured

Such a blessing to live where I can SUP to such secluded spots on a pristine lake.  The above photo is one of my favorite places to find solitude and just be.

Remember to find what you love and nurture that passion.

Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out and loudly proclaiming ” Wow, What a ride!”

Anonymous

Much Aloha!

It has been a challenging week and working through a lot of emotional baggage and that sense of obligation taught from childhood has pulled me in many different directions.  Unbecoming culturally imposed rules and finding your authentic self is a life long process.

This morning as I unrolled my yoga mat, sat cross legged and began deep breathing to  become present taking in much needed self care time, I realized how far I had come on my journey.

In the past I would turn toward unhealthy food and wine to comfort my emotional stress. A friend had recommended to look at what things bring me joy and make them the go to outlets and now that they have become a habit. It is simpler now, however still cannot say easy. My response to stress is so ingrained in me from the past that it takes much self talk each morning to choose wisely.

What comes to mind is the journey through Darek’s diagnosis and how we chose individually, to deal, not deal with what that meant to us as a couple. Four years is a long grieving time and it takes a huge toll on relationships, especially when one shuts down and the other bury them self in work.

So this messy, chaotic, joyous time was filled with great teaching moments. Only now can I look back and surrender to acceptance. I learned to be the caregiver I never thought was in me. From being told a lifetime of “You are so emotional”, I believed I could not take care of anyone else let alone someone I loved and was disappearing in front of me.

It was if my heart my smashed open, the more I compassionately cared for D the more loving kindness entered my heart. Those few weeks before his death were both excruciating and joyous. How many people truly get to say goodbye?

I understand now that the vulnerability I’ve always felt, is the greatest strength a person can have. You can’t experience life without feeling life

Elizabeth Shue

One of our greatest joys as a couple was cooking, so I feel I am carrying on D’s legacy each time I prepare a meal for my boys and I. We talked, laughed, and enjoyed many great wines together. What a gift for my boys to experience this.

So breakfast has never been my thing. Grab a coffee and go. Once at work there would always be a sweet danish to keep the high going. The crash would come about 11 as well as the headache.

Now I love breakfast, the best part is to throw away all those preconceived notions of what breakfast should be. Cereal, oatmeal, yogurt none of this stayed with me until lunch. I was hungry by 10 AM and some days even earlier.

Let’s talk bacon, one of most flavorful meats and then add sweet potato to the mix and the  combination is a winner.

Chicken Sweet Potato Hash

1  Large Sweet Potato, cubed

1 Small Onion Chopped

1 Pkg Bacon

4 Boneless Skinless Chicken Thighs, chopped and salted

1 C Chicken Broth

2 tsp Rosemary, dried and crushed

1 tsp Pepper

1 T Hot Sauce

1 T Maple Syrup, optional

Salt to taste

1 T Bacon fat

Method

Cook bacon in skillet over medium high heat. Put aside

Cook chicken thighs in 1 TBSP of bacon fat in same skillet, remove to rest

Add onion to skillet with bacon fat, cook til softened, 2 minutes

Add sweet potato and broth, cook uncovered until sweet potato slightly soft, 6 minutes

In a bowl mix pepper, fresh ground rosemary, maple syrup, and hot sauce to coat chicken and bacon

Add to skillet

Cook until crisp bits form on potatoes, constantly scrapping pan, 8 minutes

Serve with extra hot sauce and a side of avocado

This is my go to fav for breakfast!

Blessings and Much Aloha!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Today I search for peace and quieting of the mind. Cooking is that place for me. The decision of what to make, the gathering of ingredients, the chopping, the smell of the spices freshly ground, the flavors harmonizing, and the first taste is a truly blessed ritual for me.

Life will continually challenge you, it is how you respond to it that determines how we grow, move forward or remain stuck. A challenge will continue to show up in your life until the lesson has been learned.

I have never dealt well with stress and when Darek was diagnosed with cancer I remember being strong for him as he cried and the protective walls around my heart started to form and over the years became thicker. Everything changed that day, we both were grieving the loss of our carefree lives as we knew it.

Even as I write this my memories of this time are surrounded by a fog and not truly present. The body responds to stress in extraordinary ways. To look at me from the outside I was a highly functioning Mom, wife, and member of the community, when in reality I was feeding the emptiness with processed foods and wine. We all cope the best we can with the tools we have. I have forgiven myself.

Acceptance means, for now, this is what this situation, this moment, requires me to do, and so I do it willingly___ Eckhart Tolle

Along with changing my relationship with food, I began practicing yoga, SUP daily, cooking, journaling, and laughing. Find joy in the smallest moments and be present in them. Believe in yourself and make the choice to move forward with joy.

In the past when I thought of sweet potato, joy did not come to mind. My experience with sweet potato was in the form of fries and  the mush served at Thanksgiving, not the greatest introduction.

Here is a sweet flavorful sweet potato curry.

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Chicken Sweet Potato and Kale Curry

3 lbs Chicken Thighs (organic thighs are comparable in price to non)

2 large Sweet Potatoes cubed

1 bunch Kale, stalk removed and ripped into pieces

3 inch piece Fresh Ginger grated

3 cloves Garlic minced

1 large Onion

2 cans organic Coconut Milk

1 cup Chicken Stock

1 Tbsp Tumeric

3 Tbsp Cumin/Coriander seeds freshly ground

1 Tbsp South African Curry

Salt Pepper to taste

Method

Salt and pepper the chicken thighs

Heat 1 Tbsp coconut oil or Ghee in skillet

Once browned on both sides set aside to rest

In the same pan add garlic, onion and cook until soft 3-4 minutes

Add ginger for 1 minute

Add ground cumin, coriander and let bloom for 2 minutes, breathe in the fragrance

Add tumeric and curry

Add sweet potatoes and mix the glorious aromas together

Taste and add more curry for more zip

Salt and pepper to taste

Add chicken stock and coconut milk and bring to boil

Simmer until sweet potatoes can be pierced with knife 5 minutes

Add kale, turn heat off and cover

Kale will soften and turn a beautifully vibrant green

Spoon into your favorite bowls and enjoy

Watch out, second helpings go without saying

 

The above photo was taken in 2013 while I visited the Lawai International Center on Kauai.

On this land 88 Buddhist Shrines were discovered and restored. This is a truly spiritual place which brought peace and calm to me the moment I set foot there.

Here is some history from the website Lawai International Center

“In ancient times, Hawaiians built heiau in the Lawai Valley only to be followed by
the Chinese, Japanese, Portuguese and Filipinos and their structures of worship. In this valley, are the remains of the prayers of all ethnicities and religions. And it is to this valley that for the past fifty years, grandma has continued their legacy.”

I recommend visiting this beautiful sacred place.

Much Aloha…..

 

 

 

 

 

I fall  I rise

I weep I smile

I sleep I wake

I shatter I heal

I anger I quiet

I internalize I connect

I fear I hope

I sink I float

I smolder I ignite

I grow

I change

JMJR

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February, always a tough month for me as the sun, by now, is a distant longing. Dreaming of rich earth, sand in my toes, and SUP adventures.

The above picture is a reminder of the beauty that is winter here and to bring me back to center. The poem is one I wrote to remind me of the joy that is ever present even in pain.

I really had to dig deep today to become present on the mat. Breathing in the scent of  essential oils and lighting a candle brings stillness in body and mind. My favorite go to essential oil is Frankincense. Instant uplift of joy!

With one boy off on a winter camping trip and one on a bouldering day trip, I can take more self care time today.

No phrase resonates with me more than “grief comes in waves” and they are crashing today. The trigger today was a text from my Mom saying Dad has an appointment to discuss surgery options for blocked arteries. My Dad is now 82 and has dementia.

Here is how I love to remember my Dad. The James Dean look and the happiness in his eyes.

So today I need comfort, like a warm blanket and the wood stove blazing.

Today I will share one of my favorite comfort food recipes, the Paleo version of a BLT.

Yes bread or a substitute for it as your base. I love a naan type which when toasted gives it a crunch.

Paleo BLT

Bacon, antibiotic free

Tomato, organic

Spinach, organic

Tahini, as mayo

Avocado, sliced

salt, pepper to taste

Naan 

1/2 cup almond flour

1/4 cup tapioca flour

1 cup organic coconut milk

Ghee- clarified butter

Combine almond, tapioca flour and coconut milk in bowl until smooth

Heat skillet add ghee to melt and

Spoon batter into pan, gauging your size. I use a ladle

As with pancakes wait for batter to bubble and fluff before turning

It does take time for these to cook

Remove from pan

Cool and toast to desired crispness

Just feast your eyes on that, so flavorful!

Remember if it brings you joy, do it. It may not be easy every day however it is simple.

The wound is where the light enters you – Rumi

Much Aloha!

Deciding to change the way you eat is not an easy task. It is a challenge every day to make the conscious choose to eat healthy. Essentially you are giving up certain foods which actually make you crave them the more you have. A great example for me are salt and vinegar chips, Lays to be specific. There was never just one or a few, It was the whole damn bag in one sitting. Even when the whole bag was gone, every little crumb, my body was still craving more. In my experience that is a key indication of what not to eat. It was a chemical reaction in my brain, all reason left and I had to have more and more even to the point of feeling sick.

What I noticed first when eating Paleo was that my taste buds changed and foods I believed I did not like turned out to be my go to’s. I had never developed a taste for avocado, actually found them a tasteless, mushy mess.

It was truly a blessing to travel solo to Kauai in 2013 and reawaken the carefree outgoing JoJo. The first day was sensory overload with the abundance of fruit, the lush vegetation and the calling of the ocean.

Indulging in the flavors of fresh papaya each morning for breakfast and the gigantic avocados.

Seriously can you even. The flavor, yes there was flavor, was rich and creamy. So then and there my love affair with avocado began. Once I returned home I began experimenting with the avocados available here in Canada. Adding it to salads, BLT’s, chocolate mousse and guacamole to name a few.

Here is a simple recipe for guacamole

1 avocados cubed

1 tomatoes cubed

1 cloves garlic minced

1 Lime juiced

Cilantro fresh chopped to taste

Salt to taste

Serves 2

Combine in bowl avocado, tomato, garlic, juice of 1 lime, and generous handful of cilantro.

Dig in.

Can’t you just taste the tomato, garlic, lime, avocado, and cilantro combination. The perfect flavors of summer in winter.

For today I will leave you with a very thought provoking video on how the labels we place on each other are very limiting.

Much Aloha

Questioning Labels