Pushing Through……

It has been a challenging week and working through a lot of emotional baggage and that sense of obligation taught from childhood has pulled me in many different directions. Unbecoming culturally imposed rules and finding your authentic self is a life long process.

This morning as I unrolled my yoga mat, sat cross legged and began deep breathing to become present taking in much needed self care time, I realized how far I had come on my journey.

In the past I would turn toward unhealthy food and wine to comfort my emotional stress. A friend had recommended to look at what things bring me joy and make them the go to outlets and now that they have become a habit. It is simpler now, however still cannot say easy. My response to stress is so ingrained in me from the past that it takes much self talk each morning to choose wisely.

What comes to mind is the journey through Darek’s diagnosis and how we chose individually, to deal, not deal with what that meant to us as a couple. Four years is a long grieving time and it takes a huge toll on relationships, especially when one shuts down and the other bury them self in work.

So this messy, chaotic, joyous time was filled with great teaching moments. Only now can I look back and surrender to acceptance. I learned to be the caregiver I never thought was in me. From being told a lifetime of “You are so emotional”, I believed I could not take care of anyone else let alone someone I loved and was disappearing in front of me.

It was if my heart my smashed open, the more I compassionately cared for D the more loving kindness entered my heart. Those few weeks before his death were both excruciating and joyous. How many people truly get to say goodbye?

I understand now that the vulnerability I’ve always felt, is the greatest strength a person can have. You can’t experience life without feeling life

Elizabeth Shue

One of our greatest joys as a couple was cooking, so I feel I am carrying on D’s legacy each time I prepare a meal for my boys and I. We talked, laughed, and enjoyed many great wines together. What a gift for my boys to experience this.

So breakfast has never been my thing. Grab a coffee and go. Once at work there would always be a sweet danish to keep the high going. The crash would come about 11 as well as the headache.

Now I love breakfast, the best part is to throw away all those preconceived notions of what breakfast should be. Cereal, oatmeal, yogurt none of this stayed with me until lunch. I was hungry by 10 AM and some days even earlier.

Let’s talk bacon, one of most flavorful meats and then add sweet potato to the mix and the combination is a winner.

Chicken Sweet Potato Hash

1 Large Sweet Potato, cubed

1 Small Onion Chopped

1 Pkg Bacon

4 Boneless Skinless Chicken Thighs, chopped and salted

1 C Chicken Broth

2 tsp Rosemary, dried and crushed