Looking deep within yourself, peeling back layers of belief, is a daunting process filled with tears, laughter, anger and joy. Much like the peeling of an onion it is raw and can bring a flood of tears to the surface.
As partners in the cooking process Darek and I would share the duties. He was the onion peeler as my tears would instantly come to the surface as soon as the first layer was peeled away. Now I realize it is a metaphor for the depth of my emotions.
Trauma can break you wide open or turn you inward building a wall around your heart. I can identify three major traumas in my life. The first is cancer and Darek disappearing in front of me. The other two I had pushed so deep in the recesses of my brain that they have only come bubbling to the surface as I dig deep through the grieving process.
Growing up in Nova Scotia my sister and I would spend many carefree hours outdoors with our two cousins. We were inseparable. My cousin died tragically in a parachuting accident in his late teens. That was my first experience with death up close and personal. That shifted me greatly and is when I began to internalize my feelings and build a protective wall around my heart.
The next experience was a long term relationship in my 20’s when I had the intuition; remember go with your gut, that my boyfriend was cheating. I literally found him in bed with someone, only after breaking down the door to his apartment. That sealed the door to my heart and future relationships would be brief and unattached.
Being able to identify what truly makes you tick and the triggers which send you back to old responses and behaviors will open you up to healing from the inside out. Taking the deep look within comes with much denial and self critical talk.
The support needed in this process is great and make choices based on your individual path, not on what society believes is right.
Conventional thought to overcome grief and anxiety is drugs and therapy. I absolutely refused drugs as I saw how they changed Darek daily. Therapy can work if you make the choice to participate. It is not sitting and agreeing with what is said, it is challenging convention and finding what heals you.
For myself a naturopath, massage therapist, chiropractor, and somatic therapy has made me work hard, dig deep, and challenges me to be comfortable with the uncomfortable. It has been the most excruciating and joyful period of my growth. And don’t think it is finished. Accepting that I will never stop learning and growing is key to my healing journey.
No matter how difficult something is to face head on, emotionally or physically, it does more long term damage to shove it down and go through the motions of life.
This life is a gift, get out there and embrace all the gifts it has to offer!
Let’s get a little spicy….
Spicy Squash and Chicken Thigh Scramble
1 half Winter Squash peeled, cored, and chopped
4 Boneless Skinless Chicken Thighs
1 T Coconut Oil
1 Medium Onion chopped
2 Garlic Cloves minced
1/2 C Chicken Broth
1 Dried Chili Pepper, seeds removed
1 T South African Curry Powder
Salt and Pepper
Method
Generously salt and pepper chicken thighs
On medium high heat, heat coconut oil in large skillet and brown thighs, until no pink
Remove thighs from skillet
In same skillet add onion, garlic and chili pepper, saute until onion is golden
Add salt, pepper and curry powder until flavors combine
Add chopped squash
Add 1/2 C chicken broth and bring to boil
Cook for 5-7 minutes until squash softens
Add chicken and juices back to skillet
Simmer 2-3 more minutes
Add fresh cilantro for garnish
So much flavor and so satisfying
As a breakfast this will keep energy up
Blessings and Much Aloha!
Redefining Grief 