May 2016 – Redefining Grief

Stirring The Pot…….

This week we began the process of cleaning and sorting the studio. The building itself has a great story, originally a Simpson Sears garage package, turned into a pottery studio and now the teenage zone for the boys and their friends.

Interesting now when you begin to go through items you had forgotten you had, you feel an attachment to them once again. It made me examine how many things I cling to to have a tangible item to go with a memory. Memories fade and flood back in the same instant. It’s the feelings associated with the memory which last a lifetime.

Grief is a strange journey filled with incredible highs and crushing lows. The constant clash of opposing feelings and riding the pendulum of emotions.

This is my journey……

the joy of memories
the sudden surge of sorrow
the expectations of others
the constant marching of time
the sense of urgency
the struggle to accept
the hesitation to move forward
the longing for connection
the drive to accomplish
the need to leave a legacy
the urge to suppress joy
the need to share
the stolen moments
the need for a tribe
the realization life moves on
the unexpected emotional triggers
the need for deeper connections
the wonder of life
the tiniest moments hold great joy

When in grief it is difficult to express how you are feeling, however emotions reflect in the eyes of others.

How do you wear your feelings?

like full metal jacket
like a cozy wool sweater
like a blooming flower
like the morning sun peaking over the mountain range
like the ocean waves crashing on the shore
like clouds clinging to the mountains
like fog lifting from the lake
like dew dripping from the petals of a flower
like a child jumping in a puddle
like a waterfall pounding on the rocks
like rain dancing on the tin roof
like rolling ocean waves
like gliding across a clear calm lake
like the sparkle of a grain of sand

I welcome the emotions as they envelop me, have learned to accept them, and move forward with strength and purpose. I feel deeply and make powerful connections now that I accept the empath in me.

It is amazing what comes to you when you accept you for you and the gifts you have to share. I am opening to the joy of this life each day.

Blessings and Much Aloha……..

A New Recipe

A couple of weeks ago I had the overwhelming push to take the plunge, face the fear, and move forward with a full on business not just word of mouth. I couldn’t quite put my finger on what was holding me back and then it dawned on me…..money. How many of us have held back from something due to one thing? The compromise is to move forward on a smaller scale and build from there.

It comes down to what legacy I want to leave for my boys.Think about it, how do you want to be remembered in this life? Nothing in life come without drive, hard work, commitment, passion, and the manifestation of a dream.

It fell into place when I could not shake the sense and push to buy the boards. It was a constant feeling, the gut or intuition, to move forward. So off I went to Vernon on a day trip and wound up with a great variety of boards for all skill level. It fell into place once I said yes to the feeling and pushed through the fear.

We stop ourselves from dreaming too big in fear of failure. I recommend dreaming larger than the universe and have a clear vision of what you want. From the contact with the right instructor to fit me, down to storage space, it all aligned and the dream became a reality.

The resources are out there, just research and ask questions. From business names, website design, waivers, to business cards the internet has a wealth of information, low cost and some even free.

As I look at the boys, they all ready have such a great work ethic which was instilled in them at an early age. They are keen to support the business in any way they can. Making posters, taking booking call, and setting prices. A growing family business which may spark their interest and future career goals.

It is so important in this age of material wealth to instill what are now sadly considered old fashion values. Chopping and stacking wood, cooking, yard work, gardening, cleaning and laundry will give you a solid foundation to take out into the world. You develop a great sense of ownership and pride when you master these life skills.

Some great questions to ask yourself on this journey called life….

How do I show up?

What legacy do I want to leave?

How can I make a difference?

What’s holding me back?

Looking inside and examining what truly brings you passion, will spark the drive to make it happen.

The past struggles have opened me up to a wealth of possibilities and the belief that I can accomplish anything.

Blessings and Much Aloha……

Check out my website WhatSUP Paddle Board Adventures

WhatSUP Paddle Board Adventures

Yogi Cravings….

I was invited to an art therapy class this week and thought why not. As it would be a great way to connect with others and myself. The energy at the beginning was unsettled, which I admit I contributed to. Even the therapist’s energy was chaotic which was reflected in her actions and her nervous speak. It truly speaks to how much our energy and the energy around us effects us.

As I sat there I questioned how valuable to me this would be and felt myself closing. The conditioning of human nature to judge all situations is so limiting. I realized I had been unsettled all day and it was manifesting into judgment and the rising of my protective walls.

The first exercise was to choose a writing instrument, close your eyes, focus on the breath, and begin to flow with the crayon to paper. This was timed for 2 minutes. The first thought, of many, was to get out of my head and surrender to the freedom. It was humbling to realize how much more work I have to do. I was able to completely surrender by the fourth time with my non dominant hand and let the child emerge. Still working on the letting go piece it seems…..

For me it comes back to the messages I heard as I child in school of not being creative and not able to draw. Those messages become ingrained in me and became louder as I got older. Today was the first step to unbecoming this message. Changes can be made with a conscious choice to do so and the surrender to trying new things. Let go of preconceived ideas of what you are suppose to create and break out of the box you have been in and become authentically you.

The second exercise was even more interesting as you begin by making a mark on your blank paper and then pass it clockwise. Once passed between the three of us four times images turned into a story which you shared with the other participants. For me I had an image in my mind of what shape the picture would take and the basic theme was there, ocean, however the images stirred a deeper meaning.

It was three identical sail boats in the ocean and a whale in the middle of the conformity. While I unbecome what I have been and emerge as my authentic self who does not fit or conform as in the past. To me the whale represented me knowing becoming who I am meant to be is my path however there are decisions to make regarding my path. The “whale” in the room is the fear to make the choice or stay where I am.

On the edge of fear is where you become your authentic self – Joannah Johnson Ratynski

It has been a week of ever changing priorities. I realize from my response to some challenges, how vital my self care ritual is and what happens when I slip from routine.

I cannot stress enough how much a daily yoga practice is a gift. I have never been more focused, goal oriented and grounded. Shout out to Yoga with Adrienne! Check her out on YouTube channel. Yoga truly changed me from the inside out.

As I continue on my journey, growing with each day I ponder new goals and awaken new dreams.

Blessings and Much Aloha…..