Month: July 2016

On the lake yesterday I experienced the strangest disturbance, north waves combined with a  gusty westerly wind. As a paddled against the wind and rode the waves it moved me further from the shore and down the lake. The first thing to enter my head was fear which quickly moved to stubborn determination.

As I leaned into the wind and focused on the power of my stroke in the water, there was a shift. The mind is a powerful tool as it can be your ally or your enemy. It is your choice. The fear can be a great motivator when channeled.

I had manifested this lack of channeling the whole week, feeling consumed to the point of recklessness. It was also presenting in my body as a three day headache and total body fatigue. Questioning life, purpose, and passion while falling into old patterns of thought and eating.

The first step is to identify the cause and then walk through it with acceptance. Naming the cause has never been a challenge, it’s the walking, feeling through it that has me stumbling constantly.

What makes it so difficult to be authentic and true to yourself?

Fear…….

The endless obsessive dialogue in your head of all the reasons to conform, fit, label, be silent, sleepwalk through life.

Wake up!

On the edge of fear is where your greatest personal transformations will occur.

Hold on, push through, do whatever it takes to keep going.

When the fear came on the lake, I chose to lean in and paddle hard to safety. One stroke at a time listening to the paddle hit the water and the rhythm of my breathing. There was nothing else, pure focus to achieve.

Take that and apply it to being true to your authentic self.

Life is not black and white think of it as a rainbow of color waiting to be explored by finding out who we truly are.

The longest relationship you will ever have will be with yourself, take the time to nurture that first and foremost.

What would happen if you where more true to you?

Is today your day to shine bright and spread your sparkle?

Blessings and Much Aloha….

 

 

The pull of the past can be overwhelming, a need to relive those fading great moments and experiences what feelings the place evokes.

I have felt the need, no physical pull to go back to a place where so much of my character was formed and influenced. A place that shaped me in ways no other has since.

The dream started a few weeks ago, I was walking on a trail alone beside Beauvert Lake filled with such peace and joy. 10 days ago I messaged a friend who tells me she will be in Jasper for 1 day. After 20 years the opportunity to go back presented itself. Without hesitation I said I am so in. The time off work, a place for the boys, it all fell into place.

These are those serendipitous moments which whispers in your ear and if you are not tuned in, can easily pass you by. You can ask the questions…why now, how can I do this, what if……or you can lean in an accept the gift which has been presented.

For the planner this was a true test of letting go. Drove the 8 hours alone through a packed ferry, 3 construction sites, and endless tourist traffic, to arrive at 10:30 PM with just enough light to see those beautiful mountains which hugged me for 5 years. I felt so at peace and full of joy I cried. The beauty was breath taking and it was like the first day I  arrived back in May 1991.

Memories are a strange thing some things were perfectly vivid and others were completely forgotten. It is like watching a movie reel only you are in it and all is distorted by time and memories. I know there were tough sad and stressful times working there however time had softened those memories completely and left only the excitement of connecting with those who were my family for those all consuming 5 years.

Friendships can solidify or fade over the years. Resort life is intense working, eating, sleeping, partying, and living with the same group of people 24 hours a day. Through that intensity we grew inseparable and bonded for life. We became family.

Fast forward 20 years later and our family has grown with spouses and  children however the connection remains. To spend time with a woman who influenced my life so much was amazing and surreal at the same time. Many times I would fall silent, smile and take it all in.  Especially the relationship between mother and daughter.

My little brother had grown into a man with an amazing, grounded wife and partner. To see them interact and the love and respect was a gift. I am proud to see the life he has created.

To reminisce of the times we spent together reminded me of how different our memories are and what we hold on to as individuals. I spent much time in silence and trying to hold onto every word, feeling and moment.

One comment which surprised me was that I was the grounded one of the group. I see that in me every day now however in those days I was just trying to fit in and find my way. Interesting how something so obvious now was just hidden under the surface. It is what happens when you show your true self, your core does not change over time, you just get closer to your true self.

So you can go back…..only you are the best version of yourself which your friends had seen all along.

I do not think I will ever be able to truly express how it felt to reconnect with my Jasper sister however that’s OK the feeling is still here and will remain.

Blessings and Much Aloha……..

 

 

Someone asked me a few days ago “what is love” and wow took my breath away… Think about it, truly what does that word evoke in your mind and deeper in your soul?

I have loved and believe in love fully, however it has never been quite what I expected. That right there is it, I expected……Think about it, we all have the basic need, want, desire to connect intimately with another soul. Along with that comes preconceived ideas of what that love looks and feels like.

From an early age we are filled with images of love and learn its meaning by observing the interactions of those closest to us, our parents relationship.

My childhood was quite magical surrounded by nature and the freedom to explore. In my mind still magical and such a blessing to be so carefree.

My Mom loved us fiercely for a woman who was transplanted from the city to the middle of the wilderness with four children and a husband who worked hard to provide, which kept him from being home.

I have often asked her how she managed the sheer vastness of the foreign atmosphere. She said she just did, it was all she knew. That was what you did for family. See that is love…

Not until I had my own children did I realize how true that is. I will do anything to give my boys a loving secure, nurturing environment to grow up in. The freedom to make mistakes and the discipline to keep them grounded. Not an easy balance….That is love….

Accepting yourself and others for who they are, flaws and all, can be challenging. However when you just be, open your heart and  truly listen, we are all connected. Asking one thoughtful question leads to such discovery and connection. Love is non judgmental….

When someone is in pain even the smallest of gestures are the greatest of gifts. Whether it be cooking, listening to someone’s story, a smile, a hug, reaching out to someone in need. Love is empathy……..

Now in my life I want honest deep conversation. This requires  letting go of fear and asking for what I truly want. It is freeing to be completely honest and not bending your values. Love is vulnerable…….

I embrace the glorious mess that I am. I am flawed. I am befriending all of me. I am peeling back the layers and becoming whole. Love is acceptance……

I am not sure what the future holds for me however I am leaning in, letting go and open to the journey. I am ready…..

Blessings and Much Aloha…..