You came to me in a dream last night.
It was my wedding, process that piece in future, so vivid. Your whole family was there. There were intense feeling of anger, guilt and shame.
I asked your sister in law where you were, she replied with a number? I asked a second time….
There you were so full of life in front of me, unsure at first and then that beautiful full smile.
I begin to cry uncontrollably
I reach out to you and I feel you hold me close
It was in that brief moment I felt you once again
No words just touch and healing
It was that moment just before you wake when the intensity is so strong
The space between reality and the dream
I close my eyes and try to recreate the feeling
It is gone however lingers
I feel so deeply……all emotions bubble to the surface
The joy of you close once again
The pain of knowing it was but a moment
The sadness of thoughts and feeling not shared
Permission to move forward
Remember when we used to write each other full of romance….
Hi Baby,
Thank you for accepting me, full of flaw.
I would rather run than face any challenge, burying myself in work rather than face cancer head on, shut down instead sharing my hopes and fears with you.
Through the painful process of dying I discovered my strength, grace, love for both myself and more for you, forgiveness, acceptance, joy and peace.
Regrets? yes, however I forgive myself and accept
Thank you for our boys. You must be so proud, as I am, of what amazing young men they have become.
They are my world and keep me moving
We talk of you every day with love and laughter
I feel you all around us
Love you,
Jo
My dream has reinforced my faith. I had not dreamed of D since his death. He believed he would leave this world never to return. I believed, hoped, selfishly he would come back in some form to give me a sign, to feel his presence.
I feel peace and sadness at once
Another step on my path to healing
And healing I am, slowly, moving forward
Blessings and Much Aloha…..
Redefining Grief 