Month: February 2017

Memories wash over me like the cool salt water of the ocean I grew up near and spent every summer in.

The thing about memories is that they fade and soften becoming translucent with time.

My Dad has been weighing heavily on my mind as his health takes anther shift.

Two memories instantly come to mind as a shift in our relationship.

The first being when I was 25 and decided to end my 2 year marriage. The gloss had faded and I woke up one morning asking if this was the life I wanted for myself. I remember calling home and speaking to Dad, not one for phone conversations at all. The one thing he asked is if I was happier since I had made the decision. I said yes. He will never know the impact those few words had on me.

The next few months were difficult to move through however I kept those words in my head to move me forward and they projected me into the life D and I formed together.

The choices you make have a profound effect on your life. Don’t ever think they do not.

Thank you Dad.

The second time was when I woke up turned to D and said I need to go home. So home I went and proceeded to surprise Mom and Dad. It’s this thing I do for fun. It was the last time I would surprise visit them.

I walked up the stairs to the living room and at that moment I realized my Dad was growing old and frail. He looked at me no teeth and all and began to cry saying I knew you would come. Powerful and heartbreaking at the same time.

Now tears were never something to expect to see from Dad as I imagine he was brought up to never show weakness and shove all emotion down.

Seeing that vulnerability in my Dad made me feel closer than I ever have to him. We had a special moment connecting on a deeper level than we ever have. He was real.

Thank you Dad

I now sit filled with equal amounts of joy and sadness….

 

 

 

 

 

The shift began not long before D passed away, the realization that holding onto anything is truly not in your control however this realization does not make it an less painful of a process.

D began this journey of lightening by letting go of all his possessions while he was here to those he loved. I watched as he moved away from stuff, to fear and anger, to letting be.

I remember so clearly he and I going through his clothes together, saving some for the boys, some to friends and family and the rest were donated. I learned a different kind of strength that day, watching him laugh and smile.

My memory of this time is slowly returning as I heal and move through the emotions. I feel joy and sadness at once as a memory drifts by.

The material things D collected do not bring me closer to him. It is in a fleeting moment of clarity with a memory that I can feel, smell and remember his touch. Tears formed as I wrote those words. Touch and smell are powerful senses.

What may seem strange and foreign to many is the feeling of marriage lingers long after lose, both the joy and pain.

I began the decluttering, minimizing, or purging a few weeks after D died. It began as a way to distract myself from thinking of the pain and loss, however quickly turned into the fact that simplifying brings forward what was truly important and what legacy I wanted to leave the boys.

I am on day 14, ironically Valentine’s Day, into a month challenge to lightening the masses of stuff collected over the past 20 years. The single years, the boyfriend years, the husband years, and the kids years have all contributed to the overwhelming piles of stuff…

For me stuff has always represented prestige, keeping up with the Jones, and the one thing you think will fill the void in your being. Is that not so glaringly obvious what society wants us to believe, excess is happiness. That cannot be further from my truth.

As I move from room to room, box to box, item to item I begin to feel freer and lighter and not the burden or heaviness. Sometimes I pause to look at the item, such as my journals from 1988, and decide to read it one last time reflect on how much I’ve grown and then let them go.

Living in the Valley has brought me back to the basics. Being in nature, yoga, writing, and simplifying my life.

There is an overwhelming amount of writing and media regarding minimalism. To me it is to live without excess. By excess, I mean material possessions not without kindness and generosity. If you choose this path, it is what you make it, not what others believe it to be.

I began in my clothes closet which, in itself put me over the edge. Too many choices are not necessarily a good thing. How many of these items were bought on a whim, a quick pick me up. Buyer’s remorse, ah yes many times.

Each item I took off the hanger, tried it on and then either kept it or put it in the donate pile. What made me part with something. If it lifted me up I kept it. It truly did come down to joy, did it bring me joy.

The less and less stuff I have the more and more joy and lightness I feel.

This is my journey, it may seem similar to others, however we all make choices and the choices I make are opening my heart and soul to the wondrous possibilities of living with less….

My journey to Pura Vida! Living a peaceful, simple, uncluttered life with a deep appreciation for nature, family and friends.

Blessings and Much Aloha….