The body holds great energy and the power to protect as well as heal. The past two years have been spent listening to my body and practicing what is considered “alternate therapy” to heal.
- It began with changing the way I eat, turning toward Paleo. A focus on protein and vegetables and leaving all things white behind, sugar, bread, pasta and grains. It has served me incredibly well. Food choices are incredibly important for both mental and physical health.
- Massage has a way of moving both physical pain and stirring up emotions. Many a times I have cried on the massage table. The combination of essential oils and moving of the muscles to release the stress.
- I moved to Chiropractic when my body would not respond as it had to massage. One day I was hit by what I thought was a migraine and even went to the hospital for a needle. It turned out a rib had moved and my putting pressure on my spine and was sending a shooting pain to my skull. With one adjustment immediately relief.
- I began seeing a naturopath when traditional therapy, sit down pour you heart out talking, seemed to have an impact until I could not move past what was happening around me. A Naturopath looks at the whole picture and began with boosting my adrenals which were exhausted trying to survive through trauma.
- Yoga entered my life 4 years ago as a way to escape the white noise in my head and became a joy through the fluidity of movement and the grounded and calm feelings it nurtured.
- When Darek died I went into true survival mode and was in a fog for a year just keeping it together for the boys with the same routine. I was overwhelmed with the need to keep control of what was left of our lives. Craniosacral therapy uses gentle touch to manipulate the synarthrodial joints of the cranium. You feel the energy in your body moving and correcting. An experience difficult to describe however incredibly powerful.
- The next self care choice was acupuncture. I went with no expectation and open to the possibilities. This is key to any new experience! With all the therapy I opened myself up to I felt ready for another shift. Every form of care lead to this choice. My pain has become chronic and I felt fear creeping in that this was now a constant in my life.
Here is where it gets interesting. The constant ache was my right side radiating from my neck all the way to my right foot. Darek’s cancer was discovered in his right shoulder, and from that day of diagnosis I had carried it with him. Tears form from this discovery and the heaviness it caused in both our lives. I buried all my feelings in the exact place cancer took over his body. The connection to Darek is deeper than I ever thought possible.
Interesting as well was the fact Darek was born July 18 which astrological sign is Cancer….irony much?
As I laid on my back and each needle, 15 total, was inserted I began to breathe deeply and focus on letting go of the pain and energy which was holding me back. I felt none of the needles being inserted. During this time I was transported to Kauai and the Lawaii International Center and felt such joy and peace. There is a powerful energy among these 88 Buddhist Shrine replicas.
These needles were removed and more inserted once I turned over. This is where it becomes fascinating. I felt the needle in the crown of my head, this being a powerful meeting place of the bodies energy I am told. When the needle was inserted in the top of my right foot the floodgates burst open uncontrollable and tears poured out and my body began to shake. I held in the sobs as did not know how sobbing would impact the needles in my skin. Now I know very little of Chinese medicine however was told this is a powerful pressure point and carries so much of the bodies physical and emotional weight.
So acupuncture moves the bodies energy and blood flow and everyone responds differently. I felt a heaviness at one point in my lower back and at the base of my right shoulder blade as energy moved. It was incredible relaxing and draining at once. The pain and grief exploded from my body as toxins were being rapidly released and at the end I was completely drained and exhausted.
When I stood up from the table I was so weak and physically tired as if I ran a marathon. I was overcome by a powerful hunger and need for water. The drive home was as if I was out of my body watching from above. I slept so deeply.
The feeling of exhaustion and thirst lingered the following day. My emotions were heightened and raw. That night the tears flowed again and I allowed the sobbing to take over until I was empty. I then slept 10 hours.
Two days after treatment and slowly my energy shifted and the cloud lifted returning me to the present. My creativity is heightened. I continue to feel deeply, which is who I am. Acupuncture has been the most transformative therapy I have experienced thus far.
All of these self care choices I have experienced with an individual I have made a strong connection with. What comes to the surface is very personal and must be shared in a safe trusting environment.
I am so grateful for those who have supported me throughout my journey and I will continue on the path of discovery to me….
Think about what you are holding on to. How is that serving you?
Love, Light, Blessings and Much Aloha……
Redefining Grief 