It’s been almost four years since Darek continued his journey and I now feel the readiness to open my heart and love once again.
Once that decision was made it was as if God’s hand guided me. I felt lighter, more open and vulnerable.
Then it happened, we met and my mind was racing, my heart protected itself and a shyness enveloped me like nothing I had felt since high school however with the wisdom of experience I allowed you in.
We spent 4 hours together on our first meeting getting to know each other through stories, laughter and the forest surrounding us as we walked.
I soon felt myself relaxing and sharing more. I then hooked my arm in yours as we walked as it felt so natural.
The boldness I felt took me by surprise however I was committed to showing my authentic self to you.
I could feel your nervousness and a protective wall around your heart as well. This realization allowed me to open my heart to possibility.
I remember the drive home from our first meet and feeling so overwhelmed with emotion….fear, joy, and guilt, all irrationally taking over.
The tears flowed as I poured it out in spare Mom’s arms.
Fear does have a purpose though. It can motivate or cripple, it is your choice to remain stuck or push through.
Then it hit me….vulnerability leads to transformation.
Over the next few weeks we talked daily deepening our connection.
With each conversation, touch of your hand and hug I felt a deeper connection as if our souls recognized each other.
Remember that feeling when you catch your breath at just the thought of someone and your heart feels as though it will burst from your chest?
And all the funny aspects such as butterflies, the wide silly grin, not being able to eat and the craziest no filter.
Every thought I had came out of my mouth.
Falling in love, sigh….
Every aspect of my life transformed.
The colors around me became more vibrant and I radiated joy.
I began to share my joy with the world as well in the form of small kind gestures and words.
Abundance surrounded me as well in the form of many blessing and I am so grateful.
I remember the day when you shifted, let the last of your walls come down and your heart became wide open. I then felt so much love from you and I completed surrendered to you.
Love is a risk worth taking.
It is the greatest gift to give and receive in this life and has the power to heal like nothing else.
I now realize I was so closed off for so many years, thinking that protecting my heart would keep it from pain when in reality it kept all the pain fresh and constant, carrying it with me like a familiar companion.
I now feel the transformation and surrender to it.
Tear fill my eyes as I acknowledge all the pain and loss and how now I am filled with so much joy.
It has been a long painful journey to come back to me and be willing to choose love once again.
Think about it though, do you want to come to the end of your life and have regrets and what ifs?
I feel connected to my true self and am no longer holding back.
Diving into the depths.
Redefining Grief 