Redefining Grief

November and its many shades of grey impacts me on so many levels. It has always been a tough one for me and this year profoundly so. It is an instant switch from the glorious sun to the clouds which move in and lay heavy for weeks. More hours of darkness in the day than light.

Then there is the shift in my body. The constant brain fog, the lack of focus, the sense of hibernation, the craving for all which is comfort food and a marked increase in appetite. The shift from constant motion to full on stop is intense. My body cries out in protest with stiffness, body aches, joint pain all pronounced by stress. Skin and hair so dry it screams for nourishment.

The mental shift is even greater. I am restless, unfocused, scattered, turning inward, not wanting to interact with others. I am content to spend time alone with not a word escaping from me. Hours spent living in the past or obsessing about the future, choosing not to actively participate in each moment which is life.

I share this insight, as my heart knows I am not alone in this, and to express the darkness inside only leads to my light returning.

Here’s the thing, it is a choice to stay in the grey or reach in and return to the rituals which have proven successful. Yes routine, those ritual which bring daily joy. I have a routine which has proven to work for me, however it is so easy to let it go and much work and commitment to stay on track. We are only as great as of next thought.

What will you commit to today, to move forward?

Life is full of seasons, challenging and joyful. Recognizing this is key to changing the pattern. We are creatures of habit and the tendency to take the easy way is greater than challenging oneself to break the pattern.

What works for you?

These rituals consistently bring out my best self….

1. Wake up at the same time each day
2. A good morning stretch of the body sets the tone of the day
3. Eat a healthy breakfast, ginger smoothies are great for waking up the body
4. Set a daily intention
5. Smile and be kind in every interaction
6. Midday yoga revitalizes
7. Get outside, nature heals. For me water is life
8. Hug those you love
9. Laugh and be silly
10. Dance even is some one is watching
11. Sing
12. Cook for those you love
13. Write every day, express yourself
14. Love being with yourself
15. Embrace your childlike wonder
16. Surround yourself with people you can count on always
17. Do what you love, love what you do
18. At the end of each day take time to reflect and find gratuity in your day
19. Sleep brings revitilization

Yes a daunting list, however small changes reflect profound rewards both mentally and physically in your daily life.

Tell me how your routine brings you joy.

Blessings and Much Aloha…….

I lay in bed unable to sleep. I reach for my journal and began to pour out the many random thoughts in my head. The thoughts formed into words and a theme emerged. I then drifted off to sleep.

When our story has become my story, paused in a constant memory loop how do I write a new chapter? Stuck between obligations and practicality how do I dare dream of possibilities? The story continues with daily reminders, living in our home and the life we built here.

The urge to run is strong and leave the pain behind, however running only brings physical distance the emotional turmoil weighs heavy. My whole being screams change, start over anew.

In truth and guilt I stay for the boys, their security, this home and life we have is their last connection to Daddy. Most of their memories are held in this home and the life we had here together.

I stay to face it, write it, honor it, forgive, believe, and let be.

The irony of rewrites, the crumbled up paper, like my emotions scattered around me where our story ended and the fuzzy blank canvas awaits my first stroke.

The paralysis of what ifs pull me under while the joy of possibilities rise to the surface.

It has been two year in my growth and it feels like a lifetime and in some ways it feels like living a life awaiting your return. That’s it I still feel you here.

Will our souls be entwined by an eternal thread forever? Yes, my love will remain however shift with time and new connections.

My days are filled with much joy and suddenly it hits me and memories flood. There is no warning sign, it crashes like waves, soothing in the beginning until it builds to tumultuous. The truth of no longer feeling your touch or the smell of you breaks my heart.

Your story still fills our life and we speak of you daily especially now that autumn is here in its full splendor. How do I blend this into our new reality?

How do I balance keeping your memory alive and writing a new chapter for me, this is where I sit and struggle.

How can I push through, past the guilt and move forward?  I am here with the boys and he never will witness the joy of them growing into men. That truly weighs the heaviest.

Is honoring you and your chapters in my life holding me back from experiencing love once again?

We talked of this, no you talked of this, in your final days. Very clearly telling me to fall in love and move on once you were gone. In listening to those words I brushed them off with the painful realization that our story was ending.

Now I know what a gift you were giving me, the permission, the letting go in those words. And then once again when you came to me in a dream and held me one last time.

In hindsight my response, or lack of one, was my ego.

I have felt that deep connection with another in the past two years however the convenience of thousands of miles has made it uncomplicated and on my terms. In that choice of communicating through writing only, there is a safety in the distance.

Showing vulnerability in written words is easy as the other is not directly accessible physically or emotionally. There is a freedom in this as the lack of physical presence has no room for misinterpreted body language. However there is also lack of intimacy.

Relationship of any kind are challenging and require commitment. To explore a new relationship, begin again, is that what I want?

Without hesitation yes, however, I must show up, be vulnerable and completely  authentic. However I am getting in my own way, staying safely within my bubble and choosing to remain here. How do I push through the fear of failure, rejection?

I will have nothing to lose if I never try. Say what I want and even if rejected, it’s all ego, life will move forward.

Was Tennyson correct? Is it better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all?

Yes it is my truth.

I have lived this and the experience, both the deepest joy and sadness, has molded me into who I am today.

Today, now, I declare I will move forward, ask for what I want, even if rejected, and push through the ego to live my truth.

That is my small step, which I realize is terrifying yet the potential to yield exquisite results is worth the risk.

Imagine telling someone you love them, your deepest hopes, dreams, and fear.

OK, yes I do have that with my fire sister, however what is more vulnerable than sharing with a partner.

It comes back to that sense of home, that deeply familiar, electric current, connection with another soul. True vulnerability is so powerfully connective.

That is love.

How will you choose to push through those fearful moments?

Blessing and Much Aloha…..

 

 

 

 

 

 

Baggage whether it be emotional or physical comes in many forms. Our perception of the world and those around us is forever shaped by our past and influences how we respond to stress in our daily lives.

A word, smell, or memory can trigger a reaction, from that place of pain, locked away in your heart. In paying attention a pattern can be identified and we can train ourselves to allow, identify, accept, and let go.

For me “the cancer years”, yup that’s what my life became, forever shifted, was filled with wine. I do not remember a moment when I did not have a glass of wine as my comfort and escape from the reality and stress of living with cancer.

It took me all these years of self examination to admit wine was no longer a social joy and had turned into a daily habit. I am not sure of the exact moment it changed from social fun and joyous. What I do remember is the slightest stress and I would pour a glass.

The weight of the stress was crushing. The denial, the complete focus on work and the boys, the avoidance of death as a reality, closing my heart and mind, the mood swings, the lack of connection, no intimacy, words which cut so deep I turned off completely.

I remember so clearly sitting in D’s room and he sharing his regrets trying to reconcile dying, how you do that I have no idea, and his word cutting so deep I could barely breathe. The tears threaten to spill over thinking about those words. I witnessed such joy in those last moments with him and such heart wrenching pain at the same time.

I could see the struggle in him as he said he wished he had never met and married me. In that moment I chose grace for the first time in my life. I thanked him for sharing with me stood up and left the room. I do not remember the drive home or anything after that. I wanted to scream running from it all. The pain in that moment was the deepest I have ever felt.

I now realize how difficult it was for him to share all his regrets and it was so not about me, it was him trying to process his life in that moment knowing he would have no more time.

Regrets are wasted, however to reflect on them and learn to grow is the gift.

With all of this pushing me to the darkest place of my life, wine made it all go away and I actually felt nothing. I was going through the motions of life, in a blur, in hopes I would never feel my shattered heart.

As I look back and reflect on who I became, I truly thought I was coping well. The cracks began to show in my son’s behavior. When your child mirrors your behavior it can be a cold slap of reality. His anger bubbled to the surface almost daily as if to show me what I must do to move through the pain.

I continue to struggle with stress daily however make better choices in how to process.

What do you carry with you?

It is my hope that some of these strategies will work for you during stress:

 

1.  Get it out, write it down, scream, laugh, find a safe person to share both your darkness and your light.
2. Get outside. Being on the water has healed me more than anything. I am actually so connected I feel pulled to the water during stress.
3. The ability to put thoughts and feeling down and record them is a powerful tool. Writing comes to me in those moments of clarity and has brought a light to me.
4. Less stuff more adventures. If I can leave this as my legacy to my boys then I have fulfilled my purpose.
5. Connect with people, be vulnerable, open to love. Being closed to the world does not serve anyone.
6. Change the dialogue in your head. Self talk has a powerful influence on your well being.
7. Change the environment, change your perspective.
8. Be authentically you. You will bring those who are meant to be in your life.
9. Pain brings transformation, what kind is your choice.
10. Tell those you love how much you love, appreciate and are grateful for them.

 

Today I am stronger and more vulnerable due to my journey. I have stumbled, fallen, and broken however always got back up and moved forward.

Blessings and Much Aloha……

 

 

With the change of seasons I reflect on my journey thus far and smile. The discoveries of my true self shine through and bring an inner strength and a sense of calm. These last few months have challenged me and cracked my heart wide open to reveal my true self.

A glimpse into my soul….

I speak my truth, no longer hiding behind conformity

Ask my opinion and you best be ready to hear it

I am not here to please you, tried it and it’s impossible and exhausting

I respectfully say no to that which does not serve me

I cherish those who unconditionally love and support me

I welcome change, new adventures and experiences

I know what I want and I will ask for it, Can you accept that? No, bye bye now

Don’t tell me what I need, your perception of me is not who I am

I believe in heart pounding, take your breath away love

Kindness above all

Life is too short, share what is in your heart, no holding back

Trust your instincts in all

Shine your light and the world will be drawn to your energy

My truth is not dependent on your approval

Take risks, dive in, feel that fear, you are alive

The smallest of joy reflects the most importance message

Get out there, your are not here to sit on the sidelines watching life pass you by, participate fully

In relationships, it’s about quality not quantity

Pursue your passions

Less stuff, more experiences

Nature has the power to heal the deepest of wounds

The less I own, the lighter I feel

You mind has the power to move your forward or hold you back….get out of your head

Love fully and deeply with abandon

In those moments of joy, let go completely

The more you give, the more free you are

A broken heart means you loved

Those butterflies you feel are joy

Try, fail, get up, try again

I crack however I will not break

The best moments in my life cut to the core and have brought such intense joy at once

Touch is a powerful healing gift

Smile, hug, laugh more

Approach life as a opportunity to learn

Slow life down, it is not a race to the finish

Regret is a wasted emotion

All has beauty depending on the lens you look through

Vulnerability opens hearts

This life, this short precious life, deserves to be lived with wild abandon, curiosity, passion, laughter, kindness, generosity, and love.

Tell me, what’s one thing you can do today to live more fully?

Blessings and Much Aloha…..

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Home. the word evokes such powerful memories. For me home is the places which connect you more to yourself and the people who influence those moment and dramatically changed your life’s path.

For me home is an emotional connection, a sense of belonging, of being in that same familiar space and embracing the ease of it all.

Home means comfort, contentment, igniting passion, and soul connection.

To be in a space, after so much time has passed and through life experience, knowing that exact moment is all that matters.

I found this serendipity in the most unexpected however pivotal moment.

For that I am thankful, grateful and thoroughly euphoric.

What shook me to the core is how all the choices I have made thus far in my journey brought me right back to my first love. This solidifies my belief that your life path has been predetermined by events and influenced by connections along your journey.

My Awakening…

Get Out of Your Head

Perception of what will unfold clutters your vision of what is right in front of you. The thoughts which spin in your head project your insecurity and fear of what may happen and take away from what is reality. Imagine letting go of those insecurities and fears and living in the moment with no expectations. Truly transformative.

Let Go of The Fear, Lean in

Face your fears head on, as after the initial shock, it is so freeing to let things unfold as they were meant to. We are so caught up in the past or future we rarely focus on the present. Lean in, what do you have to lose in this short life of ours?

Be Bold Yet Soft

In that moment of ease and trust, be bold, ask for what you want, share your hopes and fears, fall in love.  Remove the barriers around your heart, leave what  ifs behind, and show your vulnerability.  No regret, no holding back, seize that moment. Be vocal about what you want in that moment.

Regret and what ifs are a waste of energy

Believe in Soul Connection

Imagine a bubble, time stops, no obligations, just two souls connecting. How else can I explain that instant connection after 32 years and the ease of falling back into a familiar yet new rhythm. Instant trust, no boundaries, no expectations, all in.

When was the last time you experienced that type of connection?

Open Your Heart

I am not sure if  I will ever completely capture or be able to convey the beauty of the moment. Then again that in itself is the beauty of connection. I catch my breath when I remember. With each touch my heart burst opened and healed. How poetic my first opened my heart once again.

My heart sings and my soul is at peace. I view life through a new lens, one of intense joy, kindness and ease.

 

The heaviness has lifted and light surrounds me.

My journey has brought me to this moment and I honor the woman I was and the woman I have now become.

I see so clearly how life has limitless possibilities awaiting to be discovered and how each connection has lead me to now.

My heart has opened and been healed. I am in awe of the hearts capacity to endure such excruciating pain and such euphoria in a lifetime.

I wish you both, in this lifetime, as that is the meaning of this gift of life.

Blessing and Much Aloha…..

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The body holds great energy and the power to protect as well as heal. The past two years have been spent listening to my body and practicing what is considered “alternate therapy” to heal.

1. It began with changing the way I eat, turning toward Paleo. A focus on protein and vegetables and leaving all things white behind, sugar, bread, pasta and grains. It has served me incredibly well. Food choices are incredibly important for both mental and physical health.
2. Massage has a way of moving both physical pain and stirring up emotions. Many a times I have cried on the massage table. The combination of essential oils and moving of the muscles to release the stress.
3. I moved to Chiropractic when my body would not respond as it had to massage. One day I was hit by what I thought was a migraine and even went to the hospital for a needle. It turned out a rib had moved and my putting pressure on my spine and was sending a shooting pain to my skull. With one adjustment immediately relief.
4. I began seeing a naturopath when traditional therapy, sit down pour you heart out talking, seemed to have an impact until I could not move past what was happening around me. A Naturopath looks at the whole picture and began with boosting my adrenals which were exhausted trying to survive through trauma.
5. Yoga entered my life 4 years ago as a way to escape the white noise in my head and became a joy through the fluidity of movement and the grounded and calm feelings it nurtured.
6. When Darek died I went into true survival mode and was in a fog for a year just keeping it together for the boys with the same routine. I was overwhelmed with the need to keep control of what was left of our lives. Craniosacral therapy uses gentle touch to manipulate the synarthrodial joints of the cranium. You feel the energy in your body moving and correcting. An experience difficult to describe however incredibly powerful.
7. The next self care choice was acupuncture. I went with no expectation and open to the possibilities. This is key to any new experience! With all the therapy I opened myself up to I felt ready for another shift. Every form of care lead to this choice. My pain has become chronic and I felt fear creeping in that this was now a constant in my life.

Here is where it gets interesting. The constant ache was my right side radiating from my neck all the way to my right foot. Darek’s cancer was discovered in his right shoulder, and from that day of diagnosis I had carried it with him. Tears form from this discovery and the heaviness it caused in both our lives. I buried all my feelings in the exact place cancer took over his body. The connection to Darek is deeper than I ever thought possible.

Interesting as well was the fact Darek was born July 18 which astrological sign is Cancer….irony much?

As I laid on my back and each needle, 15 total, was inserted I began to breathe deeply and focus on letting go of the pain and energy which was holding me back. I felt none of the needles being inserted. During this time I was transported to Kauai and the Lawaii International Center and felt such joy and peace. There is a powerful energy among these 88 Buddhist Shrine replicas.

These needles were removed and more inserted once I turned over. This is where it becomes fascinating. I felt the needle in the crown of my head, this being a powerful meeting place of the bodies energy I am told. When the needle was inserted in the top of my right foot the floodgates burst open uncontrollable and tears poured out and my body began to shake. I held in the sobs as did not know how sobbing would impact the needles in my skin. Now I know very little of Chinese medicine however was told this is a powerful pressure point and carries so much of the bodies physical and emotional weight.

So acupuncture moves the bodies energy and blood flow and everyone responds differently. I felt a heaviness at one point in my lower back and at the base of my right shoulder blade as energy moved. It was incredible relaxing and draining at once. The pain and grief exploded from my body as toxins were being rapidly released and at the end I was completely drained and exhausted.

When I stood up from the table I was so weak and physically tired as if I ran a marathon. I was overcome by a powerful hunger and need for water. The drive home was as if I was out of my body watching from above. I slept so deeply.

The feeling of exhaustion and thirst lingered the following day. My emotions were heightened and raw. That night the tears flowed again and I allowed the sobbing to take over until I was empty. I then slept 10 hours.

Two days after treatment and slowly my energy shifted and the cloud lifted returning me to the present. My creativity is heightened. I continue to feel deeply, which is who I am. Acupuncture has been the most transformative therapy I have experienced thus far.

All of these self care choices I have experienced with an individual I have made a strong connection with. What comes to the surface is very personal and must be shared in a safe trusting environment.

I am so grateful for those who have supported me throughout my journey and I will continue on the path of discovery to me….

Think about what you are holding on to. How is that serving you?

Love, Light, Blessings and Much Aloha……

 

 

 

 

 

Calm, centered, grounded….

This sense of peace lingers as I sit reflecting on a truly connective weekend. Each person I shared space with showed vulnerability and opened their heart, mind and soul which only made our connection stronger.

The mind is quiet. The awareness of this not taken lightly.

How often is our mind truly quiet?

The connection of the physical body, nature and the quiet mind is not lost to me.

The physical tired is balanced with a feeling of rejuvenation. To truly connected and share moments of greatness with a person you respect, value and admire is truly invigorating. It lifts you to new heights of awareness.

You can make a difference. It is those small moments that have a ripple effect on the worlds energy as a whole.

Think about the impact you have, even in the smallest of encounter, and what influence you have in these moments?

I have had the joy of meeting and connecting with incredible spirits. The more I open the more deeply connected I become.

It is the depth of connection which truly moves me. To have a safe space and allow all judgement to be removed has shifted my energy.

To be told you have impacted a life is a humbling experience. It renews faith in myself and the journey I am on is purposeful and adds value.

How do you add value?

What is your purpose?

The greatest insight I have to offer is to be continually questioning your path, be open to new experiences and connections, and be present in the moment and take it all in, no matter how ordinary.

I am content not stagnant….

The shift continues as my awareness deepens and my spirit connects with natures. The move from a cluttered mind to peace becomes easier as I let go and let be.

I feel  a calm settle over me and embrace it knowing it is fleeting.

For the first time in seven years I feel present and focused on the now.

Never give up on hope even if it takes you down the road of loss and grief. The lessons learned, shattering of the heart, a stronger me emerges and this all brings me to now, this moment.

I feel the past is finally just that, the future will come and the now is where I must be fully present.

What is one thing you can do right now to be present in the moment?

Blessings and Much Aloha…….

 

 

 

Memories come to the surface, spill over and run down my cheeks. Is it possible the pain can feel more intense now?

If I have learned anything the past 2 years it is that there are no set days or events when the grief hits you, it can be so random it feels I am losing my mind. Some dates of  significance just pass, no recognition verbally or emotionally. Other times a scent or word will take my breath away.

Now as the fog clears and the light of reality sets in I struggle with, let’s be honest, all of it.

It feels like a taboo in our society to talk about death, better to bury it never to surface again.

Please talk to me about Darek, Tell me your favorite story, more importantly tell these stories to the boys so they can picture their Dad as a boy, a friend, a single young man.

These stories and memories are vital for the boys to continue to have a sense of their Dad and be influenced by his character. Now and in years to come the boys will value these stories so much.

Let me talk of him, laugh, cry even curse him. I need this as part of my healing. It is my journey through grief and mine alone. How I process, express, and move forward is my choice and I make no apologies.

I am not living in the past, I am building a legacy for the boys to carry into adulthood, one Darek would be proud of. It truly comes down to how do I want to honor his life and the impact he had on those around him.

Darek and I came together for a reason, more than the obvious and unexpected joy of being parents, something neither of us had planned.

• He taught me to see beauty in nature
• He taught me to lighten up
• He taught me patience
• He showed my what strength looks like
• He introduced me to jazz
• He showed me the joy in cooking together
• He taught me to develop an appreciation for scotch
• He showed me how to communicate without words
• He taught me to appreciate the simple pleasure
• He brought balance
• He encouraged my passions
• He understood the value of time alone
• He loved us

Don’t get me wrong he was not perfect, I am far from perfect, our relationship had challenges however when you dig to the root of a relationship it was based on love and respect.

I have no “ah ha”on how I get through each day, I approach each day anew and build a life with my boys. I am strong and determined to lead the best life possible and be an example of strength and influence for my boys.

Do not waste a second of this precious life, in an instant it can change.

That thing you fear to change, that lingering thought, go out and do it, embrace it, and find your joy.

You alone can change the course of your life.

Blessing and Much Aloha…..

The picture captures Darek’s love of life and joy in the simple moments

As I peel back the layers of experiences collected over the years, am I peeling back the layers of memories I have collected and returning to the original? Reliving memories with each item I touch, a daunting task. Is that why I look at a trip to Nova Scotia with such unsettled anticipation?

Another step which holds the mirror of my new reality, clearly and harshly.

The labels flood my brain, single mom, widow and alone. Not at all the reality I had dreamed of as a child and I lived a dream like childhood, not a care in the world. Am I returning to that shy childlike state, which hid from the world, filling my days with outdoor adventures and discoveries?

Will my sense of obligation override my desire to revisit specific places and memories?

I feel stuck between the past and reconciling the present.

Is this yet another step in my process of letting go and acceptance? I must lean in and welcome what comes next, whether or not it brings closure.

Now, if I am getting real with myself, a huge part of the anticipation is how do I reconcile my emotions when it comes to Dad’s death and I was not there. I know in my heart the Dad I grew up admiring and loving was no longer present, however that sense of obligation creeps in and can overwhelm rational thought.

How to go back home knowing I will not see or hug him ever again?

That’s it, tears flow now…

Memories are a strange part of life, we push out the unsettling ones and dwell on the happy ones, tending to gloss them over as perfection.

It is those unsettling one that let you know dig deeper, take a closer look, work through your emotions, what triggered these feelings and where the largest growth happens.

I have felt detached from my family ever since D’s death and perhaps even resentful no one was here to support me through that unknown darkness. I own these feeling as I did not ask for them to come and assumed, as we all do in families, they would just know what I needed. Blame is a wasted unproductive emotion and I will not dwell there.

Even as I grow older the deep glimpses of me as a child come to the surface and insecurity spills over. That childhood sense of wanting to belong and be loved.

A Dad is that first male figure you are shaped by and time with him limited at my young age, the need to please became a habit, and to this day hard to shake at times.

Obligation, a sense I struggle with when I think of home. I do not have this in my present life at all. I have build an incredible network of friends who accept and champion me.

What a delicate balance to try to communicate with the generational, spiritual, and religious and cultural differences a family holds individually and is shaped by.

Is this my growth, accepting and revealing my flaws to release the power they once held over me?

So I will head to my childhood home, feel deeply, and be present in all which bubbles up.

How do you face your flaws?

Blessings and Much Aloha…

 

 

I sit alone in a hotel room trying to calm the waves of emotions, feeling my body scream from stress and searching for the off button to the constant loop of white noise in my head.

My focus is lost in days which feel like hours and hours which feel like minutes. So wanting to open my heart and pour out the struggle and fear of making a life altering decision.

I am blessed in so many facets of my life, however feel a void longing to be filled.

Father’s Day was raw. I closed up, locked my heart and turned away from the pain. I was physically knocked down with the force of anger which returned and felt the darkness reach for me. I gave in and felt myself drowning in grief.

Some days even growth means returning to old patterns, sitting alone, processing.

The key for me is to recognize where I am, accept, and expose the rawness of the moment.

As the moments rise up, the pain becomes more intense as the reality of death sinks into my soul. To look in the mirror and see clearly takes strength and courage, which frankly some days, does not show up.

As two years approach the fog of grief clears but intensifies in the same moment. I cry, not everyday now, but it flows.

I am not where I thought I would be in my life, however that is the gift of life. To let be, release control and lean in to the experience.

Find your peace in the white noise of life.

This is what brings balance back to my world…

• Writing – What a gift to gather up the chaos of my mind, the ugly and all, and get it out. I am a firm believer in this form of cleanse
• Silence – I was a small talk girl once however now I want to speak my truth and sit in the silence. This rejuvenates my spirit
• Water – Whenever I feel unbalanced I feel the pull of the water. Whether it be a plunge to bring me to the present or the joy of gliding on the surface. There is a great healing in water
• Earth – The feel of the grass, rocks, sand beneath my feet. The feel of soil in my hands nurturing the growth of flowers and vegetables creates a connection to the bigger picture
• Sun – The feel of warmth on the skin, the mental lift it provides
• Sleep – Sweet glorious rejuvenating sleep
• Yoga – This is the definition of being present. The movement of the body and quieting of the mind
• Solitude – With a demanding job and two teenage boys, being alone is a gift. A time out from all
• Support – Knowing I can reach out and have support at any moment is a gift

 

I grow each day, fall back into old patterns, fall down, rise up, ask for support and move forward.

It is messy and joyful and it is my life.

Much Aloha…….