Grief Has No Expiry Date….

Memories come to the surface, spill over and run down my cheeks. Is it possible the pain can feel more intense now?

If I have learned anything the past 2 years it is that there are no set days or events when the grief hits you, it can be so random it feels I am losing my mind. Some dates of  significance just pass, no recognition verbally or emotionally. Other times a scent or word will take my breath away.

Now as the fog clears and the light of reality sets in I struggle with, let’s be honest, all of it.

It feels like a taboo in our society to talk about death, better to bury it never to surface again.

Please talk to me about Darek, Tell me your favorite story, more importantly tell these stories to the boys so they can picture their Dad as a boy, a friend, a single young man.

These stories and memories are vital for the boys to continue to have a sense of their Dad and be influenced by his character. Now and in years to come the boys will value these stories so much.

Let me talk of him, laugh, cry even curse him. I need this as part of my healing. It is my journey through grief and mine alone. How I process, express, and move forward is my choice and I make no apologies.

I am not living in the past, I am building a legacy for the boys to carry into adulthood, one Darek would be proud of. It truly comes down to how do I want to honor his life and the impact he had on those around him.

Darek and I came together for a reason, more than the obvious and unexpected joy of being parents, something neither of us had planned.

• He taught me to see beauty in nature
• He taught me to lighten up
• He taught me patience
• He showed my what strength looks like
• He introduced me to jazz
• He showed me the joy in cooking together
• He taught me to develop an appreciation for scotch
• He showed me how to communicate without words
• He taught me to appreciate the simple pleasure
• He brought balance
• He encouraged my passions
• He understood the value of time alone
• He loved us

Don’t get me wrong he was not perfect, I am far from perfect, our relationship had challenges however when you dig to the root of a relationship it was based on love and respect.

I have no “ah ha”on how I get through each day, I approach each day anew and build a life with my boys. I am strong and determined to lead the best life possible and be an example of strength and influence for my boys.

Do not waste a second of this precious life, in an instant it can change.

That thing you fear to change, that lingering thought, go out and do it, embrace it, and find your joy.

You alone can change the course of your life.

Blessing and Much Aloha…..

The picture captures Darek’s love of life and joy in the simple moments